Death is a natural part of life, and most of the time, we don’t think about it - it’s not a pleasant thought, and humans just get on with things without the idea of death around them at all times (perhaps it’s some kind of survival mechanism). However, just because we don’t think about it doesn’t mean it won’t happen in our families or to our friends, and if that’s hard for us to deal with, imagine how difficult it can be for our children who don’t have any understanding of death at all.
That’s why it’s wise to teach children about death in a careful, considerate way before they actually have to come face to face with it, perhaps by losing a pet or a grandparent, for example. With that in mind, here are some ways you might want to do it.
Be Honest And Age-Appropriate
Honesty is absolutely the key thing to remember when you’re talking to children about death, and although that sounds like a simple thing to do, it’s not always. If you don’t understand death yourself, it’s going to be hard to be honest with your kids about it because you won’t want to say you don’t know something when they ask questions - which they will. However, it’s far better to say you don’t know (and explain that no one knows if it’s a question of life after death, for example) than it is to lie and confuse things.
It’s best not to use euphemisms like ‘passed away’ or ‘gone to sleep’ as well. They’re confusing at best and frightening at worst (a child might be afraid to go to sleep if they think they’re not going to wake up, for example).
Find Examples
If you’re religious, reading the Bible can be a useful tool for teaching children about death, and finding Bible verses about death can give you and your kids comfort, guidance, and a little more understanding. Once again, finding age-appropriate stories is the best thing to do, and try to link those stories into everyday actions so they’re easier to understand.
If you’re not religious this idea might not be ideal for you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still find examples of death and the natural life cycle to help your children understand more about what happens and, as far as it’s possible to determine, why. Using concrete examples to help children understand that death is final is a great idea, as that can often be the hardest part to talk about, and using nature, such as the life cycle of plants, to show what you mean can be helpful.
Encourage Questions And Emotions
All this talk of death is sure to raise at least a few questions, so make sure you let your children know it’s fine to ask those questions, and it’s fine to express their emotions about the whole concept as well - it’s a lot to process.
As a parent, you might not have the answers your kids are looking for, but you can still validate their feelings and reassure them that it’s okay to feel them, whether they’re sad, scared, angry, or perhaps confused. Listen to what they have to say and if you don’t know the answer, work it out together - it’s potentially a good way to bond if nothing else.