If you’re going through a separation or divorce and have kids, you may have noticed the impact it’s having on them. Even though you know the decision is the right one for everyone, it’s difficult for children to understand that. It can take time for children to come to a place of understanding and while that’s happening, you’ll need to be a constant support to them.
However, going through a divorce will be a tough time for you too so supporting yourself and supporting your kids can weigh heavy. Here’s what you need to know to make sure you and your kids get everything you need.
Allow Yourself To Feel
Putting on a brave face may seem like the best thing to do for your kids but it isn’t always. You don’t want your kids thinking you’re unfeeling or robotic. Lead by example and show your kids that it’s okay to be upset.
Feeling low or worried about what the future will look like is perfectly natural during this process. Let your kids openly show everything they’re feeling and find appropriate ways to express those feelings within the family dynamic.
Secure Finances
Whether we recognise it or not, kids worry about their parents. If your child is worrying about you paying the bills on top of a divorce, it can add to the stress of the situation. Make sure you can financially support yourself after a divorce.
Talk to your solicitor about spousal maintenance to make sure you’re supported once your divorce is final. This will help you to buy essentials for you and your children as you figure life out on your own.
Don’t Put Your Children In The Middle
Unfortunately, many divorcing couples use their children as weapons in a divorce because they’re stressed out. Your children should never be put in the middle of an argument. Avoid arguing in front of your children and never use them to pass messages back and forth.
Your children may make requests to see your spouse during your divorce and that can hit a nerve. Try to remain calm and allow your children access to your spouse, unless the situation is harmful for them. As hurtful as the process can be, stay on your best behaviour for your kids.
Listen To Them
Commonly, children don’t want to confide in their parents during a divorce because they’re worried their feelings will hurt one or both of their parents. You can encourage your child to confide in you by allowing questions and providing plenty of reassurance.
Make sure your children know that the divorce is nothing to do with them and certainly not their fault. You don’t have to sugar coat anything but you also don’t have to provide all the details. Find an age appropriate way to explain the breakdown of your marriage. It can help if you agree this with your spouse so you stay on the same page when it comes to parenting.
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