If you are or have experienced the death of a child, condolences are appropriate, but they do not fill the void, and they never will. Sometimes, what helps is to know what to do and how to get by. Continue reading to learn a few things that will hopefully help you or someone you love.
Prepare the Final Resting Place
Beyond the death itself, one of the more difficult things you need to do is to prepare for your child’s final resting place. Select a cemetery and burial plot, ideally where other family members are or will be located upon their death. Next, choose from specially-designed grave markers and headstones for children. Find one that honours their unique personality and that you will feel a connection with every time you visit their grave.
Support Your Other Children
If you have more than one child, they are going to need you now, more than ever. Even though you are going through an unimaginable time, you will need to call up your reserves and bolster yourself to be present. There is no need to constantly put on a good face or live in a state of toxic positivity. Do not succumb to the depths of your sadness either, if you can help it. Show your child that it is normal to cry and acceptable to keep living their life. Be present for all their emotions and support them where they are at.
See a Counsellor
Going through life with the heart-wrenching experience of losing a child usually requires professional guidance at one time or another. When you find everything is becoming too much to bear, make an appointment with a licensed counsellor or therapist. They will listen to everything you are feeling while providing support and coping mechanisms to help you live with your loss. It is important to note that feelings and emotions come and go - sometimes without warning. Reach out for help whenever you need it.
Go Through the Motions
Sometimes, just going about your routine and going through the motions of daily life are necessary to keep you going, especially at first. If you are able, do your best to stick with your schedule. Of course, no one expects you to do everything you did just as before because things have changed immeasurably. Through the activities of daily living, you will keep up your connections with the world instead of tucking yourself away.
Talk About Your Child
Always remember that it is okay to talk about your deceased child. Keep their memory alive for you and the rest of your family. If you see a video game character or sports figure they enjoyed, mention it. Talk about fun recollections or silly things they said instead of repressing those beautiful memories. More than likely, others will share in your trip down memory lane, too. There may be a tear or two shed. Let the happy memories intertwine with the anguish because that is where things are right now.
When you are going through such an unimaginable time in your life, do your best to keep going to honour all of your children, whether they are deceased or still with you. Make plans for a final resting place, talk about death, and reach out when you need help.