Manners were everything when I was growing up and when I raised my own children I took the view that from a very young age my children would at the very least be taught what I consider basic niceties.
Before they could pronounce the words properly they would say "please" and "thank you" and "please may I leave the table." Obviously we had to repeatedly prompt them (and still occasionally do!) but nothing was handed over and no-one left the table until they had said the right words.
Now I'm wondering if this is considered rather old fashioned now? I'll confess I never write thank you notes which my friend does religiously. Time, energy and a feeling they are a bit old fashioned in these digital days is my excuse although I still feel a bit guilty for not doing it.
I'll tell you what's prompted this. Out and about I am an enthusiastic people watcher. Shops, restaurants, anywhere really. And what I have observed, mostly since lockdown, is that even adults my age don't say please or thank you any more.
I'm so keen on these courtesies that if I am going overseas I try to learn and use at least "hello", "please" and "thank you" in the local language. I think it goes a long way in making people feel "seen." Anyone who has ever worked retail will tell you sometimes they feel like faceless servants with most customers.
Please and thank you don't cost anything but I feel especiallywhen people serving you earn peanuts the least you can do is thank them for enduring long hours of ever increasingly demanding customers. Only last week my 24 year old was berated by a customer for the lack of choice of soups (four shelves and a fridge full) which is out of their control. And another customer literally shouted at them about the design of the labels and said they needed to redesign them. Again, not a thing they or even the manager could help with - it's a head office problem. They are just trying to keep the soup aisle stocked.
In a store recently I observed a bloke in his 50's (at a guess) who didn't use any "magic words" throughout his interaction with the staff. I suppose at least he wasn't staring at his phone while they served him.
And in a cafe I watched multiple people through the ordering and collection process and not one of them aged from teens to my age and older said please or thank you. It irked me so much I could only just hold myself back from doing what I did with my children and add "please!" to the end of their order to remind them to use the magic word.
So in the words or Mumsnet AIBU? Are verbal manners dead? Am I old fashioned? If adults don't use the words then within a generation please and thank you will be gone forever which I think would be very sad.
Thank you for reading